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June 27, 2010 — Leave a comment

Early Saturday morning a block of North Farwell Avenue on Milwaukee’s lower Eastside was blocked off as a crew of workers attempted to remove a tree that was ripped from the ground off of the hood of a 1998 Ford Taurus. One witness stated that it wasn’t the work of damaging winds but a force of nature known as Future Man. The unnamed witness told reporters that “Future Man,” named so because of his ability to see hours into the future, upset about a 2-1 USA loss to Ghana in soccer’s World Cup, lifted the tree from the earth and pushed it onto the car. Predicted four hours prior to game time and with the result being exactly what Future Man predicted, we now have no choice but to believe that Future Man can indeed predict the future. Eye witness and founder of Milwaukee music blog M. Goldstein surmised, “if he has the power to do that, then why shouldn’t we believe that he could manhandle that tree.”